To share with you my opinion regarding this question, let me narrate the two anxious but interesting experiences. The first incidence occurred about a year before my mandatory retirement from government service i.e. some time around September 2005. One night after eating a hard boiled egg after dinner I felt discomfort in my chest and the neck, the feeling of tightness around the chest and neck. I had this feeling before but it normally lasted for a few minutes. But this time the feeling just won't go away after an hour. I started to ponder was it a sign of heart attack forthcoming. Two weeks before this incident I suddenly felt breathless after walking from my office to a coffee shop about 20 meter away and I was thinking to myself that I might have some problem with my heart. Back to the feeling of discomfort in my chest and neck, as I started to get worry the discomfort feeling get intensified. I tried to calm myself down and decided to get to bed. Suddenly the thought of a heart attack happening in my sleep spurred me to face reality and I decided to go to hospital nearby to seek doctor's advice. After an endiogram was done, it was confirmed three vessels were having blockages of between 50 % to 70%. I were put on medication while waiting for a bypass operation in about a month's time. One morning, the same discomfort feeling struck me again, I decided to go to the hospital specialised in heart to get a second opinion. The doctor after reviewing my case suggested to do an endioplasty procedure on me in the afternoon on the same day. After the doctor explained what he proposed to do on me, to my surprise I was rather calm and without hesitation I just asked the doctor to give me a minute to call my wife to inform her my decision to go for this procedure. I were put in a two beded room to wait for the procedure in the afternoon. As I had nothing to do I started to send sms to inform my friends and relatives whom I thought would give me positive wave energy but not sympathy. Then one patient was sent to share the room with me. A nurse gave him some tablets to take. One or two minutes later another nurse came in wanted him to take the same tablets. How could this carelessness happen ? I'd been quite calm and composed waiting for the procedure in the afternoon and now this carelessness of the nurse had shaken my confidence a little bit. But I told myself I could do nothing but to leave it to God that no mistake would happen in the afternoon. I calmed myself down immediately. Although I always indicate my religion as Buddhism in all occasions but I must confess I only go to Buddhist temple once a year during Weesak day. I believe there is God but The God is the same God for all religion and I also believe God is in the heart of every person. That means I've to try my best to cultivate good values and be a good person. Living in this imperfect world it would be very difficult to be a perfect person. But at least I have to be as good if not better than some of those who follow strongly the teaching of their religion except that I do not go through the religious rituals.
Back to the hospital bedroom, I was pushed to the operation room for the procedure in the afternoon. I was not put to sleep and was conscious throughout. Not long after the procedure started I heard the lead doctor exclaimed to his team member : " What! you have put this in?". I suddenly felt cold and getting nervous and started to realize that I needed God to control all those involved in this procedure do not make mistake at this moment. This was the first time that I seriously thought of getting help from God but I found myself having difficulty to pray to God because I've not gone through the religious rituals. Finally my believe that God is in my heart save my agony. Since God is in my heart I just left every thing to Him and I became calm again. Of course the procedure was smooth and successful and I was discharged the next day. Thank God.
The second incident happened during this Chinese New Year eve. After the dinner, I suddenly belched out a mouthful of fresh blood. Of course I was stunt for a moment and after that started to rationalize what could have happened. I actually expected some internal stomach bleeding because for the last few months before this, on and off I had black stool and I had it again for a few days already before I belched out some blood. But if I went to hospital immediately I would be celebrating Chinese New Year in the hospital and it would spoil my family member's mood. Except for the belching of that mouthful of blood, otherwise I felt perfectly alright; it might not be that serious and I could afford to postpone it a few days . I listened to my own body and finally decided to monitor how my body felt for the next few days. In the second day of Chinese new Year, I belched out a mouthful of blood again; this time there was a piece of blood clot, measuring about 2 inch by 0.5 inch. I told myself I should not delay seeking medical advice any further although I still felt perfectly alright. Not wanting to give false alarm to my family members I quietly sneaked out of the house and went to the nearby hospital. The doctor wanted to ward me for further investigation. I went against her advice and promised to come back the next day after my daughter going off to Penang. The next day I went back to see the gastro specialist and he suggested to do an endoscoping to check the condition of esophagus and stomach and I was told that I would be put to sleep while the doctor wass doing the endoscoping. On hearing this I felt a little bit chilled because I heard of a case from my doctor friend one patient died on operation table recently because of anasthesia overdosage. Once again I kept my cool by leaving everything to the God in my heart. Thank God I was safe. The scoping showed that I was having serious ulcer of esophagus. Looking back, I acted quite bravely throughout the whole episode. Where did I get the strength and courage from? I think it was my believe that we do our very best effort the rest leave it to the God Whom I believe is in our heart.
To me various religions are different paths to reach God, the same God. I asked one same question to Christian and Muslim friends who were considered quite knowledgeable in their religion: " Would God rather reject the one who believe there is God but not attached to any religion and try his best to be a good person all his life than to accept a Christian or a Muslim or Buddhist who did not try his best to be a good person". Both of them could not give me an answer. What I am trying to say here is that my believe that "God is in my heart but it is not necessary for me to attach to a specific religion" is also a way to reach God. However this is a very lonely way not like Christians, Muslims or Buddhists they have their fellow brothers and sisters to help and support them along the way. I am respectful and receptive to all religions but it is just that my character prefer a lonely journey guided by the God in my heart. To me it would be unbelievable that there is only one way to reach God.
Everything on earth has energy with different form. Human soul, I believe, has energy in spiritual form. The soul leaving our body after death of physical body will advance to the after-world at different plane depending on the energy level of the soul accumulated during our life time. The more good deeds, good values, and all good and positives things we do and acquire, the more spiritual energy our soul will accumulate. However I believe that since God love and care for all his children, the after-world irrespective of which level or plane that our soul go to would definitely be an exciting and wonderful place to go to. The difference between you and me is how closer we will be to God when our soul finally leave our physical body. Therefore to me death is nothing to be scared of but to be anticipated and prepared. But I am still keeping an open mind whether I will continue to reach God lonely or to reach Him with the support of fellow brothers and sisters of a religion. I leave it to the God in my heart.
To my son who is now studying in Ohio , when you read this post I am already alright so do not be disturbed. Ok? Sorry for telling you through the blog because we just do not want to disturb your study. Dad and mum love you and "jie jie"(it means sister)
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